This is not the first time that my husband and I are away from each other. When we were still in Singapore, due to some restrictions on the work permits there, my husband needed to work in Malaysia. So he worked there for 2 years. It was so hard for us because it was the first time that we were apart from each other.
It was year 2012 to 2014 (if I am not mistaken), that we struggled to cope with the distance. However, that time, my husband was able to go to Singapore every other two weeks. He rode the bus for 6 hours just to see us on weekends.
My husband was so eager to go back and be with us and so he really did his best to be equipped with skills and knowledge for him to be able to land a good job in Singapore. He succeeded and we are thankful that he has a stable job now in Singapore.
If you are new here in my blog, my children and I moved here in the Philippines because of the stress that I had in my work in Singapore. I had panic attacks at night and I cannot litterally breathe. So when we moved here in the Philippines, the anxieties eventually were gone.
As of the moment, we are in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years now. We haven’t seen each other for more than a year because of this pandemic. We are coping with it and the hardships made us plan for goals of when we could be together again (of course by the help of God).
I just want to share with you some tips on how to make a long distance relationship works.
- Make time for each other – Being busy is sometimes an excuse. Of course we respect each other’s busyness. However, my husband sees to it that he is there. Whenever he calls me, I will pause on whatever I am doing to accomodate him. We already established some habits on when we will talk, in the morning during breakfast (before he’ll work), lunch time (to see his children eating) and night time (before sleeping). There are lots of messages over facebook and imessage too.
2. Be each other’s confidant – Sometimes we feel down about something and we would want to have somebody to talk to.. the best person to share your feelings with is your spouse. Personally I believe that if you are married, you shouldn’t be very close to someone of the opposite gender. Even if you think it is platonic, but this is out of respect for your spouse and also to avoid any future conflicts.
3. Pause when you are angry – Let’s admit it.. we say mean things that we really don’t mean when we are angry. I always avoid this by giving myself time to think and reflect on why I am angry. I don’t nag and I hate to repeat things that I already said. Reason why I tend to be very frank and say things straight to the point. So whenever I feel like I want to argue with my husband, I’ll just send him a message first that I will talk to him later. Through this, I am having some time to think of what I need to say and reflect if my reasonings are valid. I believe, everything could be talked about especially when both parties know how to listen.
4. Say what is on your mind – Women sometimes assume that men know what’s in their mind.. Men are not fortune tellers, they wouldn’t know why women are upset and what women want. I always believe this, that is why I always say what I feel so that it would not bother me anymore. So whenever I think of something about what I noticed about him or what I am expecting from him, I just say it. My husband and I have an open communication, we can say anything to each other because we believe that it is only us that could understand each other. We are the ones involve in this relationship.
5. Have a common goal together – There is a reason why you are away from each other. For us, the reason is financial (of course). Hence, we established a common goal of eliminating this reason. Our everydays are full of dreams and plans on the desire of being together. This is one thing that I cherish on this journey, enjoying each day by working on our goals.
6. Being completely honest to each other – Honesty is one of the key factors of a successful marriage. I trust my husband and he is the one who established this trust. The moment we became a couple, he gave me all his passwords. I was surprised because I felt that I need to do the same.
My husband tells me when he is going out, who is with him and when he is going home. I personally don’t ask these things but I think he is saying it, firstly to establish trust, secondly for me not to worry. So, we have this habit, I also do the same.
7. Make each other laugh – My husband and I have a good sense of humour.. I think this is one of the reasons why we really clicked. Every now and then, we talk about something funny or share some jokes. We goof around.
It’s good also to always be positive and to minimize conversations about negativity. We help each other by giving a positive atmosphere whenever we communicate.
8. Give each other a “me” time – Of course, we also need to socialize, mingle with others or do some other activities. My husband goes biking with his friends every Saturday morning. Occasionally, they also have some time for drinks. I also have some bonding time with my siblings or go to a spa.
We respect each other’s “me” time. When we wanted to watch movies or do some other activities, we just let each other enjoy.
9. Remind each other to be grateful – The reason of not being together is financial and sometimes the goal of being together takes a long time. Before this pandemic, my husband was always here every month, in fact he already bought plane tickets that was good for 6 months. However, now it is more than a year and sometimes we are being impatient and tired on what we are doing. But we always remind each other of the blessings that we are receiving amidst this pandemic. We have good health, shelter and food. These are major things that we should be thankful for.
10. Trust your relationship – Eventually, the waiting will come to an end. Just hold on to the relationship that you built. The memories that you had and will be having in the future. What matters is what is on the other side of the bridge. Hold on to the love that you have for each other. The goals that you have together.
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